Oct. 26 - Angel says...
"I am a 15 year old female, I
have no one else to talk to or at least no one who takes me seriously,
Lately I have been really depressed and have been cutting my wrists, my
boyfriend saw them and counted 21 I try not to look at them no one else
has noticed them I am failing school and for some reason have began to
hate it. I have lost all of my friends except for maybe 2 but I hardly
ever talk to them. My family constantly tells me that they are disappointed in me and
that I am a screw up. I don't like feeling like this but everyday seems
to get worse. I don't know why I am explaining this to a complete stranger
but I just want some help please write me back if you have any ideas on
what I should do." (I'm sure you know that
you have clinical depression. You have described many of the signs
of depression to me in great detail. Depression has a way of driving
friends away because it makes people feel uncomfortable around you.
Your friends don't know how to react to you or deal with the changes you
are going through. As for your family... run off a copy of "Suicide,
A Teenage Epidemic" and give it to them. Tell them you are depressed
and ask for their help because you want a life, not a cloud to walk through.
Don't give up on yourself! You are special, BELIEVE IT!)
Oct. 25 - Heather says...
"I would be a year older than
Jared. I have been dealing with suicide and depression a lot for awhile
now, but no one knows. I don't know why I'm telling you this, because you
probably won't care..." (I always care.
You said that nobody knows that you are going through depression and thinking
of suicide. Life is
worth living but sometimes we need help along the way. We were not
put on this earth to be alone. Talk!)
Oct. 23 - Caitlin says...
"I am a senior in High School and was wondering if
it was at all possible for you to answer my question. After an individual
attempts suicide once, is it likely for that individual to attempt suicide
again? My best friend, who is also my cousin, tried to slit her wrists
w/a razor and safety pin (she dug a hole searching for veins... sorry for
the detail...) last Saturday and I'm extremely worried about her.
...I love her too much for her to hurt herself anymore. She is now
seeing a psychiatrist and takes a heavier dose of a different depression
medication. I was just wondering if there was a strong possibility
for another attempt. Thank you very much for your time and your knowledge.
and you must watch your cousin carefully until all her "triggers"
have been resolved through counseling. Your job is to give her unconditional
love and understanding.)
and later... Thank
you for your advice... I'm hoping and praying that I can do everything
in my power to make her stronger... thank you again.... it is VERY much
Oct. 23 - Charli (TX) says...
"I don't know what to say but that I have read the
web site and I still don't know what to do? I am so confused and i feel
everyone doesn't like me! I am so afraid I never thought i would feel so
alone. I don't know what to do and i hope you can help... I just
hope you can help me... soon... please! I have most of the
"symptoms" but I don't know... I just don't know!! im 15!" (Charli,
you are either having an anxiety attack or are in a deep clinical depression.
In either case you are in need of some professional help. You need
to talk to a live person. Please go to the About
Suicide page and call one of the phone numbers listed on this page.
People do care and people do want to help you but you must now take
the next step.)
Oct. 21 - Constance says...
"I am very interested in Jared's story. Five years
ago, one of my brothers committed suicide. The devastation that I felt
at that time has not gone away. I keep thinking that there should have been some way for me to prevent what happened.
...My brother was shot straight through the center of the heart with a
and later - ...It seems
to help me when I can talk to someone who truly knows the pain that I am
feeling. ...but truly, I have no one else to talk to." (Check
out The Compassionate Friends,
a wonderful support group and people who understand what you are going
Oct. 21 - Dorinda says...
"I just read through your site and its deeply touched
me I started looking through sites on depression and suicide because I've a 16 yr. old daughter
that has been struggling with depression and cutting herself and
wanted to find out as much as I could. I needed to be able to know
how to help her at home other than the counseling she gets outside the
house. I wish I could say that I'm ignorant about suicide but I and my
family have been touched 3x in the last 2 yrs by it. My brother in law
to an overdose, my nephew 3 days ago also a drug overdose and my very best
friend in the world a yr. ago died by gunshot. As you can see now his is
why I'm so concerned for my daughter it seems it's become a more viable
option. I am so truly sorry for your loss but thank you so much for sharing
it meant so much to me . All my prayers and love, someone who cares" (It's
your caring that can make the difference for your daughter!)
Oct. 21 - Tara says...
"Hi I've cut myself and I never wanted to die but it
just felt good. I've wanted to die once actually. Everyone
thinks i am such a happy person inside but I'm not. I just want to
stop existing all together. Just go to sleep and never wake up.
Can you help me figure out some ways to not be so depressed all the time
so that my friends wont be bothered by my thoughts of masochism?" (professional
counselor, and possible medications or natural herbs such as St. John's
Wart or SAM-e ...NOW! Tara, you can't expect help on the internet,
talk to a live person who can help you work out your problems.)
Oct. 19 - Bret says...
"I am a 30 year old almost 31 year old man. Unfortunately
I understand why people commit suicide at least in most cases. ...My
family has a history of severe major depression, ...I was totally unaware
of this family medical issue till it happened to me. ...Horrible pains
in my neck, burning pains in my arms, severe headaches, flu like symptoms,
being in constant physical pain with no explaination, dropping 40 pounds
in 2 months, once going 10 nights without sleep, being ready to die then
finding out the physical pains were caused by severe depression,
...uncontrollable thoughts coming into my mind, to many thoughts, over
awareness of thought, racing thoughts, ruminating thoughts, emergency room
visits , hospitalizations, tranquilizers, antidepressants, anti psychotics,
anti inflammatories, antibiotics, ...I used to run from the car into
the psychiatric ward because when I shut off the radio the thoughts became
even more unbearable, in their racing nature. Severe depression is a hell
of unparalleled proportions. When I woke up on July 19 I was normal again
and have been fine ever since in the biological sense. ...My wife left
me a year later (depression is hard on marriages is an understatement)
...Jared had a horrible disease that took his life and it is no less biological
than cancer. ...when your own thoughts become your worst enemy you go into
a world that is absolutely terrifying, and there is no way out, ...I woudn't
wish it on anyone. As an experience I believe it is far worse than, cancer,
AIDS, heart disease ect. because they don't attack your thoughts, they
don't attack what makes you, ...Its weird but in many ways Im glad people
always ask why, following a suicide because it means they haven't gotten
the disease themselves or they would never ask those questions because
they would know why.
and later - The more
you really learn about certain events , traumatic events, the more you
discover their ability to affect a person long after the event is over.
We sometimes hear about plane crash survivors but only after my experience
with severe depression did I realize that some plane crash survivors will
never be the same again they will suffer post traumatic stress disorder,
depression, anxiety, they may not be able to work or keep a healthy relationship.
It is the same with rape victims, or victims of child abuse. Cops in traumatic
shoot-outs have ended up with severe psychiatric illness. ...I've
always felt bullying, and hazing are very wrong and ought to be dealt with
severe penalties in criminal court. The mind can take only so much stress
or trauma before it starts creating chemical imbalances and therefore severe
mood disorders that can lead to tragic outcomes..." (I
have learned a lot about depression from what you have told me. A
psychologist taught me that everyone has a genetic disposition towards
depression but some people just don't get it. In every case, he said,
there is some sort of trigger that sets depression off. Some people,
however, will not be triggered, even if the event was really bad.
can be as simple as diet, white flour, carbonation & sugar, or
complicated, like the death of a loved one... or in our case, an assault.)
Oct. 19 - Kaylee says...
"hey i thank you for having this site my sister committed
suicide last moth and it has been tough on mom and dad... so today i went
online to look up stuff online and now i realize it happens to more than
one family. thank you."
Oct. 17 - Anne says...
"I was at your site tonight, I am giving a talk about
suicide to my class mates in my english class. We just read a story about
suicide and almost 2 years ago one of our classmates committed suicide
and we are still thinking of him. Any ways, I wanted to write and say how
much I liked your site and it really touched me. When I first saw the picture
of Jared I almost cried, he was so young. I just wanted to ask you a question
though and if it is wrong for me to do so please just say so and I will
understand, I don't mean to sound disrespectful. But I read most of the
site and I didn't find anywhere that explained why Jared committed suicide.
I was just wondering why he decided to leave this world. I am very sorry
for you loss and I hope you are doing better. God bless!" (Jared's
an assault inside his Middle School by a bully.)
Oct. 16 - a student says...
"hi you don't know me but i had to do a presentation
in college about suicide. as i came across this page it made me think allot.
i m not suicidal or anything but on september 25th of this year one of
my class mates took his life away. he was also depressed and i guess the
big part was actually to tell his parents. it was very sad to me what had
happened since we had all went to school together. it made me open
my eyes to reality. i had never expected to come that close to death. when
i went to his wake i was very sad and the whole shocking thing is is that
I'd never knew that he was like that. i was not the closest thing to him
i mean i just saw him in school, but just the fact that i knew him was
scary..." (It's sad, but sometime in our life
we will all be touched by suicide.)
Oct. 16 - Criselda says...
"hi. im sorry to hear about your loss. im doing a research
paper about suicide. and i wants to ask if you don't mind, some questions.
how did he die? why did he do it? how did you feel? and do you think that
suicide is an individual right? well i am terribly sorry for you loss and
i hope you can help me. but if you cant its okay. (in
my opinion, no one who is thinking about suicide is in their right mind,
they are depressed. Just like cancer is not an individual right neither
would suicide caused from depression be a individual right.)
and later... Hello. Well
thank yo for your help. and i do strongly agree with you on the individual
right. On of my friends tried to do that to herself but i help her out
through it. Thank you again for your help..."
Oct. 16 - Teresa says...
"...Last Friday a young man of 24 from my home town
committed suicide and I am still reeling from the shock. We have
very close connections with this family and my heart goes out to them at
this time. His mother is totally heartbroken and I would like to
help in some way. I was looking through your list of books
- recommend reading and I was interested in the book: Suicide: Some Things
We Know, and Some Things we Don't Know. I was interested to hear
you say that you would like to have read this from the beginning.
I phoned a very big bookshop here in Dublin, Ireland but they didn't have
it in stock or it wasn't listed. Would you know of any way that I could
get a copy or would you have any other recommendations.
(The book you asked for, Suicide, Some things we know... is a small spiritual
book to help answer questions about how God would respond to suicide and
how we should be careful not to judge the act of suicide. You can
find it on the internet at http://www.deseretbook.com
It doesn't cost much, $5 or 6 dollars. I don't know how hard that
would be in Ireland. Also, until you can get your friend a
book, feel free to copy off the section you came from in JaredStory.com
do those who die by suicide go? and give it to her. I've
had many people of all faiths tell me that this article really helped them
a lot. It might be easier to get the book by Dr Quinnett,
Suicide, The Forever Decision. Although this is not a spiritual
book and is written for the suicidal person, this was the 2nd best
book I read because it gave me understanding into my son's depression and
Oct. 15 - Teri says...
"I'm 16 years old and have been
diagnosed with depression for a year and half. I have attempted suicide
more times then I can count sometimes with people not even knowing it.
Each time I read Jared's story or even think about what I have done makes
me cry. I don't know if its because I realize
what I have done or if its me still wanting help. I would just like
to tell you how sorry I am for Jared I don't know him but I feel that he
was a part of me. In some way or other we have the same problems and were
looking for help in the same ways..."
Oct. 15 - Gabe says...
"I am doing a report for class
on teenage suicide for my college writing class, which during my AOL search
led me to your site. I would first like to say that I do not consider
myself depressed and I am not considering suicide, I know that I have good
friends and family who care about me and love me, and I also have a girlfriend
who am very much in love with and I know she feels the same for me.
At this point in my life I am very happy with myself and my loved ones
and all of my experiences in life. However I was looking over some
things to look for in someone who might commit suicide and I have a question
for you. Sometimes, but not too often if I get stressed out, such
as at work or college, I would think that I don't want to deal with it.
A few years ago I have used substances, but I have long since quit.
I was just wondering if that meant anything. As I said before I have
never attempted suicide and I most definitely do not want to. I have
had friends that have felt this way before, and it seems to me that this
is normal, I was just wondering if it is. If you could please email
me with a reply I would greatly appreciate it..." (Everyone
has rough spots in their life that can trigger depression, but not everyone
will have depression. It's normal to have the ups and downs in life
and how you deal with your problems
now will prepare you for
the future. Having done something, like drugs, in the past can open
you up for problems and consequences later unless you have washed them
out of your life, let any guilt go and/or forgive yourself. This
is between you and your God. ...When 'stress' begins to take it's
toll, you must find a way to release your stress in a healthy way.
Physical exercise is great for getting stress under control and be sure
to get enough sleep. Just because we live in a modern
society doesn't mean we are SUPERMAN. If you can keep your
stress under control, you can also prevent heart attack, cancer, stroke
and depression. Stress and Depression go together like suicide and
death so it's very important to incorporate preventative mental health
Oct. 14 - Tara says...
"This monday coming up, I will
be having a meeting with old friends, and my best friends mom. I will be
reading out loud how i feel and discuss how I'm feeling since my best friend
Renata killed herself 2 years ago on Oct. 21st . I needed some help, how
to organize what I wanted to say, what I should say, and wanted to
find some inspirational story to close with. I didn't think i'd be able
to open this wound again and really talk from my heart. I wanted to continue
feeling cold about it all, and not really, truly feel anything. I came
across your web site, and I finished my search. You had a lot of good things
written on here that inspired me to open my heart and write. I just wanted
to let you know that. I'm thankful for your site, and will continue to
visit it. I struggle myself with bad thoughts sometimes, and this site
made me get a grasp on what is actually good in the world and ways to daily
make it better. By being kind to others, and finding meaning with those
that are around me already... and most importantly being grateful for all
I have. I thank you, for giving me a positive and hopeful day in my life..."
Oct. 13 - "Sebdesed" says...
"i lost one of my close friends
to suicide and it ripped me to pieces because it felt like i didn't do
my job as a friend and if i was there for her more it wouldn't of
happened probably and it was horrible. What made me mad most is that they
blamed it on the music she listened to when it was emotional instead.
I know it had nothing to do with music." (When
people are in pain and grief any excuse, like bad music, will do.
In time, however, most parents and friends discover that their loved one
suffered from depression.)
Oct. 11 - Lindsay says...
"I am 16 years old and I am desperately
trying to make it through high school. I stumbled upon your page
when I was doing a research paper on teenage suicide. Sometime last
year I tried to commit suicide with a gun. The bullet had skipped
and the gun never went off... from that second on I have never been
the same. Being a teenager is one of the hardest things in the world,
and I am so sorry for your loss and all that you have been through.
I almost lost a boyfriend to suicide as well and I made him read Jared's
page, and asked him if he wanted to make his mother go through the same
horrible thing that you had to, he and I are both doing fine... All
my love and prayers for you, Jared, and your family..." (You
must have a purpose unfulfilled, a reason for living. I hope you
find it and find happiness)
Oct. 9 - Amy says...
"I am doing a research paper
on teenage suicide for school. Your article made me cry. I could relate
to what you said, not totally understand but relate in a way. My dad committed
suicide 3 years ago. And just like
you said not a lot of my family members want to talk about it that
way, but in order to realize the reality of it I had to talk about it.
I just wanted you to know that your article touched my heart, and I will
remember you and your family in my prayers."
Oct. 6 - Jay says...
"...i tried suicide at least 10 times in the last um
*thinks* 9 years. i wouldn't say i'm so depressed in the last 9 months.
i focused my depression into music. i still don't consider myself
a great person and i haven't even really learnt to live (i'm 21) but i
seem content in my lil world of "nothing" ...my dad beat me until i was
17, then i got kicked out. and i now live with my girl, her son and my
dog. my dad would just loose his temper saying everything was my
fault yadayada. he spent alot of time saying he wished i was dead,
i was useless bababa you start to believe it after time i guess.
i got abused at school, i know everybody has their dose of bullying, but
i'm serious this was big stuff. i saw many shrink over my "behavior" problems
and my depression, but i swear all 10 did nothing at all, and that's with
me trying. ...In fall of 1998 i began cutting, i was really bad,
i was so depressed and to this day we didn't even know why. i still
think bout suicide but then i talk. my gf forces it out of me, it's one
way i guess. nobody noticed my signs, i guess they don't with most.
and later... i
think what triggered my depression was a mixture of abuse from my dad and
the assaulting in school. i recall even at 6 years old trying to
pack my stuff and wanting to leave, i know that was due to my dad. but
i can't just section it off and say it was him or say it was school.
my dad just had an extreme fiery temper, he used to say i was the "loser"
of the family. i am the youngest of 5 and the only child my dad didn't
want. ...My mom never knew about the depression, she thought it was
what teens went through, and looking back i know it never helped me much
but i tried hanging myself one night at aged 12, leaving a suicide note
(which i still have) but my mom had looked in on me as i was setting things
up, she read the note, put me to sleep and said no more about it. i think
she didn't know what to do. ...i managed to fend for myself in school,
only because i gave myself an image. that image steered people away, then
only the "harder" bullies gave me stick. ...i still have lows, and whether
i attempt the big S again, i don't know but as long as my gf is there,
i think it should be ok."
Oct. 1 - anonymous says...
"Most of these stories I am reading are how the survivor
feels. What about what the suicidal person felt? Why do you think
they killed themselves? Because no one cared about how THEY felt! That
is why they died, no one listened, no one seemed to care until it was too
late. Now all of the focus is on the survivors and how they feel at this
time of loss. The deceased lost a lot more before they died. I am in no
way trying to be mean, I am just saying how I feel. No one listens. If
they did, no one would feel suicidal.
and later... I am 27
years old. I go to a psychotherapist. I have tried over and over to explain
this to my parents. I have given them information, I have been admitted
to the emergency room for accidental overdose and nothing works.
It has taken me a very long time to realize who I can talk to and who I
cannot. I am not running to everyone I can think of, but I feel I
cannot go to my own parents. That is very sad. I know that the signs
are there and people have to see them, but a lot of people don't WANT to
understand. They are afraid and then when the depressed person dies, they
all ask, why why?? I am very frustrated by how people react towards
the depressed. Two hospitals I have been in have been very inadequate in
their interpersonal skills. I know that there is help out there, but going
to a complete stranger is very hard. Thanks for listening."