.. Suicide  Bullying  depression


Emails from people who have "been there, done that" - they have lost someone to suicide, have thought of, or are

thinking about suicide. Emails from people enduring, or have endured bullying or have suffered from depression.

Other people's stories...  OCTOBER 2000

Oct. 26 - Angel says...

"I am a 15 year old female, I have no one else to talk to or at least no one who takes me seriously, Lately I have been really depressed and have been cutting my wrists, my boyfriend saw them and counted 21 I try not to look at them no one else has noticed them I am failing school and for some reason have began to hate it. I have lost all of my friends except for maybe 2 but I hardly ever talk to them. My family constantly tells me that they are disappointed in me and  that I am a screw up. I don't like feeling like this but everyday seems to get worse. I don't know why I am explaining this to a complete stranger but I just want some help please write me back if you have any ideas on what I should do." (I'm sure you know that you have clinical depression.  You have described many of the signs of depression to me in great detail.  Depression has a way of driving friends away because it makes people feel uncomfortable around you.  Your friends don't know how to react to you or deal with the changes you are going through.  As for your family... run off a copy of "Suicide, A Teenage Epidemic" and give it to them.  Tell them you are depressed and ask for their help because you want a life, not a cloud to walk through. Don't give up on yourself!  You are special, BELIEVE IT!)

Oct. 25 - Heather says...

"I would be a year older than Jared. I have been dealing with suicide and depression a lot for awhile now, but no one knows. I don't know why I'm telling you this, because you probably won't care..." (I always care.  You said that nobody knows that you are going through depression and thinking of suicide.  Life is worth living but sometimes we need help along the way.  We were not put on this earth to be alone.  Talk!)

Oct. 23 - Caitlin says...

"I am a senior in High School and was wondering if it was at all possible for you to answer my question.  After an individual attempts suicide once, is it likely for that individual to attempt suicide again?  My best friend, who is also my cousin, tried to slit her wrists w/a razor and safety pin (she dug a hole searching for veins... sorry for the detail...) last Saturday and I'm extremely worried about her.  ...I love her too much for her to hurt herself anymore.  She is now seeing a psychiatrist and takes a heavier dose of a different depression medication.  I was just wondering if there was a strong possibility for another attempt.  Thank you very much for your time and your knowledge. (yes, and you must watch your cousin carefully until all her "triggers" have been resolved through counseling.  Your job is to give her unconditional love and understanding.)
and later...  Thank you for your advice... I'm hoping and praying that I can do everything in my power to make her stronger... thank you again.... it is VERY much appreciated! :o)

Oct. 23 - Charli (TX) says...
"I don't know what to say but that I have read the web site and I still don't know what to do? I am so confused and i feel everyone doesn't like me! I am so afraid I never thought i would feel so alone.  I don't know what to do and i hope you can help... I just hope you can help me...  soon... please!  I have most of the "symptoms" but I don't know... I just don't know!!  im 15!" (Charli, you are either having an anxiety attack or are in a deep clinical depression.  In either case you are in need of some professional help.  You need to talk to a live person.  Please go to the About Suicide page and call one of the phone numbers listed on this page. People do care and people do want to help you but you must now take the next step.)

Oct. 21 - Constance says...

"I am very interested in Jared's story. Five years ago, one of my brothers committed suicide. The devastation that I felt at that time has not gone away. I keep thinking that there should have been some way for me to prevent what happened. ...My brother was shot straight through the center of the heart with a 45.
and later - ...It seems to help me when I can talk to someone who truly knows the pain that I am feeling. ...but truly, I have no one else to talk to."  (Check out The Compassionate Friends, a wonderful support group and people who understand what you are going through)

Oct. 21 - Dorinda says...

"I just read through your site and its deeply touched me I started looking through sites on depression and suicide because I've a 16 yr. old daughter that has been struggling with  depression and cutting herself and wanted to find out as much as I could.  I needed to be able to know how to help her at home other than the counseling she gets outside the house. I wish I could say that I'm ignorant about suicide but I and my family have been touched 3x in the last 2 yrs by it. My brother in law to an overdose, my nephew 3 days ago also a drug overdose and my very best friend in the world a yr. ago died by gunshot. As you can see now his is why I'm so concerned for my daughter it seems it's become a more viable option. I am so truly sorry for your loss but thank you so much for sharing it meant so much to me . All my prayers and love, someone who cares" (It's your caring that can make the difference for your daughter!)

Oct. 21 - Tara says...

"Hi I've cut myself and I never wanted to die but it just felt good.  I've wanted to die once actually.  Everyone thinks i am such a happy person inside but I'm not.  I just want to stop existing all together.  Just go to sleep and never wake up.  Can you help me figure out some ways to not be so depressed all the time so that my friends wont be bothered by my thoughts of masochism?" (professional counselor, and possible medications or natural herbs such as St. John's Wart or SAM-e ...NOW!  Tara, you can't expect help on the internet, talk to a live person who can help you work out your problems.)

Oct. 19 - Bret says...

"I am a 30 year old almost 31 year old man. Unfortunately I understand why people commit suicide at least in most cases.  ...My family has a history of severe major depression, ...I was totally unaware of this family medical issue till it happened to me. ...Horrible pains in my neck, burning pains in my arms, severe headaches, flu like symptoms, being in constant physical pain with no explaination, dropping 40 pounds in 2 months, once going 10 nights without sleep, being ready to die then finding out the physical pains were caused by severe depression,  ...uncontrollable thoughts coming into my mind, to many thoughts, over awareness of thought, racing thoughts, ruminating thoughts, emergency room visits , hospitalizations, tranquilizers, antidepressants, anti psychotics, anti inflammatories, antibiotics,  ...I used to run from the car into the psychiatric ward because when I shut off the radio the thoughts became even more unbearable, in their racing nature. Severe depression is a hell of unparalleled proportions. When I woke up on July 19 I was normal again and have been fine ever since in the biological sense. ...My wife left me a year later (depression is hard on marriages is an understatement)  ...Jared had a horrible disease that took his life and it is no less biological than cancer. ...when your own thoughts become your worst enemy you go into a world that is absolutely terrifying, and there is no way out, ...I woudn't wish it on anyone. As an experience I believe it is far worse than, cancer, AIDS, heart disease ect. because they don't attack your thoughts, they don't attack what makes you, ...Its weird but in many ways Im glad people always ask why, following a suicide because it means they haven't gotten the disease themselves or they would never ask those questions because they would know why.
and later - The more you really learn about certain events , traumatic events, the more you discover their ability to affect a person long after the event is over. We sometimes hear about plane crash survivors but only after my experience with severe depression did I realize that some plane crash survivors will never be the same again they will suffer post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, they may not be able to work or keep a healthy relationship. It is the same with rape victims, or victims of child abuse. Cops in traumatic shoot-outs have ended up with severe psychiatric illness.  ...I've always felt bullying, and hazing are very wrong and ought to be dealt with severe penalties in criminal court. The mind can take only so much stress or trauma before it starts creating chemical imbalances and therefore severe mood disorders that can lead to tragic outcomes..." (I have learned a lot about depression from what you have told me.  A psychologist taught me that everyone has a genetic disposition towards depression but some people just don't get it.  In every case, he said, there is some sort of trigger that sets depression off.  Some people, however, will not be triggered, even if the event was really bad.  The "triggers" can be as simple as diet, white flour, carbonation & sugar,  or complicated, like the death of a loved one... or in our case, an assault.)

Oct. 19 -  Kaylee says...

"hey i thank you for having this site my sister committed suicide last moth and it has been tough on mom and dad... so today i went online to look up stuff online and now i realize it happens to more than one family. thank you."

Oct. 17 - Anne says...

"I was at your site tonight, I am giving a talk about suicide to my class mates in my english class. We just read a story about suicide and almost 2 years ago one of our classmates committed suicide and we are still thinking of him. Any ways, I wanted to write and say how much I liked your site and it really touched me. When I first saw the picture of Jared I almost cried, he was so young. I just wanted to ask you a question though and if it is wrong for me to do so please just say so and I will understand, I don't mean to sound disrespectful. But I read most of the site and I didn't find anywhere that explained why Jared committed suicide. I was just wondering why he decided to leave this world. I am very sorry for you loss and I hope you are doing better. God bless!" (Jared's depression "trigger" was an assault inside his Middle School by a bully.)

Oct. 16 - a student says...

"hi you don't know me but i had to do a presentation in college about suicide. as i came across this page it made me think allot. i m not suicidal or anything but on september 25th of this year one of my class mates took his life away. he was also depressed and i guess the big part was actually to tell his parents. it was very sad to me what had happened since we had all went to school together.  it made me open my eyes to reality. i had never expected to come that close to death. when i went to his wake i was very sad and the whole shocking thing is is that I'd never knew that he was like that. i was not the closest thing to him i mean i just saw him in school, but just the fact that i knew him was scary..." (It's sad, but sometime in our life we will all be touched by suicide.)

Oct. 16 - Criselda says...

"hi. im sorry to hear about your loss. im doing a research paper about suicide. and i wants to ask if you don't mind, some questions. how did he die? why did he do it? how did you feel? and do you think that suicide is an individual right? well i am terribly sorry for you loss and i hope you can help me. but if you cant its okay.  (in my opinion, no one who is thinking about suicide is in their right mind, they are depressed.  Just like cancer is not an individual right neither would suicide caused from depression be a individual right.)
and later... Hello. Well thank yo for your help. and i do strongly agree with you on the individual right. On of my friends tried to do that to herself but i help her out through it. Thank you again for your help..."

Oct. 16 - Teresa says...

"...Last Friday a young man of 24 from my home town committed suicide and I am still reeling from the shock.  We have very close connections with this family and my heart goes out to them at this time.  His mother is totally heartbroken and I would like to help in some way.  I was looking through your list of  books - recommend reading and I was interested in the book: Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some Things we Don't Know.  I was interested to hear you say that you would like to have read this from the beginning.  I phoned a very big bookshop here in Dublin, Ireland but they didn't have it in stock or it wasn't listed. Would you know of any way that I could get a copy or would you have any other recommendations.  (The book you asked for, Suicide, Some things we know... is a small spiritual book to help answer questions about how God would respond to suicide and how we should be careful not to judge the act of suicide.  You can find it on the internet at http://www.deseretbook.com  It doesn't cost much, $5 or 6 dollars.  I don't know how hard that would be in Ireland.   Also, until you can get your friend a book,  feel free to copy off the section you came from in JaredStory.com called, Where do those who die by suicide go?  and give it to her.  I've had many people of all faiths tell me that this article really helped them a lot.   It might be easier to get the book by Dr Quinnett, Suicide, The  Forever Decision.  Although this is not a spiritual book and is  written for the suicidal person, this was the 2nd best book I read because it gave me understanding into my son's depression and his mind.)

Oct. 15 - Teri says...

"I'm 16 years old and have been diagnosed with depression for a year and half.  I have attempted suicide more times then I can count sometimes with people not even knowing it. Each time I read Jared's story or even think about what I have done makes me cry. I don't know if its because I realize what I have done or if its me still wanting help.  I would just like to tell you how sorry I am for Jared I don't know him but I feel that he was a part of me. In some way or other we have the same problems and were looking for help in the same ways..."

Oct. 15 - Gabe says...

"I am doing a report for class on teenage suicide for my college writing class, which during my AOL search led me to your site.  I would first like to say that I do not consider myself depressed and I am not considering suicide, I know that I have good friends and family who care about me and love me, and I also have a girlfriend who am very much in love with and I know she feels the same for me.  At this point in my life I am very happy with myself and my loved ones and all of my experiences in life.  However I was looking over some things to look for in someone who might commit suicide and I have a question for you.  Sometimes, but not too often if I get stressed out, such as at work or college, I would think that I don't want to deal with it.  A few years ago I have used substances, but I have long since quit.  I was just wondering if that meant anything.  As I said before I have never attempted suicide and I most definitely do not want to.  I have had friends that have felt this way before, and it seems to me that this is normal, I was just wondering if it is.  If you could please email me with a reply I would greatly appreciate it..." (Everyone has rough spots in their life that can trigger depression, but not everyone will have depression.  It's normal to have the ups and downs in life and how you deal with your problems now will prepare you for the future.  Having done something, like drugs, in the past can open you up for problems and consequences later unless you have washed them out of your life, let any guilt go and/or forgive yourself.  This is between you and your God.  ...When 'stress' begins to take it's toll, you must find a way to release your stress in a healthy way.  Physical exercise is great for getting stress under control and be sure to get enough sleep.  Just because we live in a modern society doesn't mean we are SUPERMAN.   If you can keep your stress under control, you can also prevent heart attack, cancer, stroke and depression.  Stress and Depression go together like suicide and death so it's very important to incorporate preventative mental health now.)

Oct. 14 - Tara says...

"This monday coming up, I will be having a meeting with old friends, and my best friends mom. I will be reading out loud how i feel and discuss how I'm feeling since my best friend Renata killed herself 2 years ago on Oct. 21st . I needed some help, how to organize what I wanted to say, what I should say, and  wanted to find some inspirational story to close with. I didn't think i'd be able to open this wound again and really talk from my heart. I wanted to continue feeling cold about it all, and not really, truly feel anything. I came across your web site, and I finished my search. You had a lot of good things written on here that inspired me to open my heart and write. I just wanted to let you know that. I'm thankful for your site, and will continue to visit it. I struggle myself with bad thoughts sometimes, and this site made me get a grasp on what is actually good in the world and ways to daily make it better. By being kind to others, and finding meaning with those that are around me already... and most importantly being grateful for all I have. I thank you, for giving me a positive and hopeful day in my life..."

Oct. 13 - "Sebdesed" says...

"i lost one of my close friends to suicide and it ripped me to pieces because it felt like i didn't do my  job as a friend and if i was there for her more it wouldn't of happened probably and it was horrible. What made me mad most is that they blamed it on the music she listened to when it was emotional instead.  I know it had nothing to do with music."  (When people are in pain and grief any excuse, like bad music, will do.  In time, however, most parents and friends discover that their loved one suffered from depression.)

Oct. 11 - Lindsay says...

"I am 16 years old and I am desperately trying to make it through high school.  I stumbled upon your page when I was doing a research paper on teenage suicide.  Sometime last year I tried to commit suicide with a gun.  The bullet had skipped and the gun never went off...  from that second on I have never been the same.  Being a teenager is one of the hardest things in the world, and I am so sorry for your loss and all that you have been through.  I almost lost a boyfriend to suicide as well and I made him read Jared's page, and asked him if he wanted to make his mother go through the same horrible thing that you had to, he and I are both doing fine...  All my love and prayers for you, Jared, and your family..."  (You must have a purpose unfulfilled, a reason for living.  I hope you find it and find happiness)

Oct. 9 - Amy says...

"I am doing a research paper on teenage suicide for school. Your article made me cry. I could relate to what you said, not totally understand but relate in a way. My dad committed suicide 3 years ago. And  just like you said not a lot  of my family members want to talk about it that way, but in order to realize the reality of it I had to talk about it.  I just wanted you to know that your article touched my heart, and I will remember you and your family in my prayers."

Oct. 6 - Jay says...

"...i tried suicide at least 10 times in the last um *thinks* 9 years.  i wouldn't say i'm so depressed in the last 9 months.  i focused my depression into music.  i still don't consider myself a great person and i haven't even really learnt to live (i'm 21) but i seem content in my lil world of "nothing" ...my dad beat me until i was 17, then i got kicked out. and i now live with my girl, her son and my dog.  my dad would just loose his temper saying everything was my fault yadayada.  he spent alot of time saying he wished i was dead, i was useless bababa you start to believe it after time i guess.  i got abused at school, i know everybody has their dose of bullying, but i'm serious this was big stuff. i saw many shrink over my "behavior" problems and my depression, but i swear all 10 did nothing at all, and that's with me trying.  ...In fall of 1998 i began cutting, i was really bad, i was so depressed and to this day we didn't even know why.  i still think bout suicide but then i talk. my gf forces it out of me, it's one way i guess.  nobody noticed my signs, i guess they don't with most.
and later...  i think what triggered my depression was a mixture of abuse from my dad and the assaulting in school.  i recall even at 6 years old trying to pack my stuff and wanting to leave, i know that was due to my dad. but i can't just section it off and say it was him or say it was school.  my dad just had an extreme fiery temper, he used to say i was the "loser" of the family. i am the youngest of 5 and the only child my dad didn't want.  ...My mom never knew about the depression, she thought it was what teens went through, and looking back i know it never helped me much but i tried hanging myself one night at aged 12, leaving a suicide note (which i still have) but my mom had looked in on me as i was setting things up, she read the note, put me to sleep and said no more about it. i think she didn't know what to do. ...i managed to fend for myself in school, only because i gave myself an image. that image steered people away, then only the "harder" bullies gave me stick. ...i still have lows, and whether i attempt the big S again, i don't know but as long as my gf is there, i think it should be ok."

Oct. 1 - anonymous says...

"Most of these stories I am reading are how the survivor feels. What about  what the suicidal person felt? Why do you think they killed themselves? Because no one cared about how THEY felt! That is why they died, no one listened, no one seemed to care until it was too late. Now all of the focus is on the survivors and how they feel at this time of loss. The deceased lost a lot more before they died. I am in no way trying to be mean, I am just saying how I feel. No one listens. If they did, no one would feel suicidal.
and later... I am 27 years old. I go to a psychotherapist. I have tried over and over to explain this to my parents. I have given them information, I have been admitted to the emergency room for accidental overdose and nothing works.  It has taken me a very long time to realize who I can talk to and who I cannot.  I am not running to everyone I can think of, but I feel I cannot go to my own parents. That is very sad.  I know that the signs are there and people have to see them, but a lot of people don't WANT to understand. They are afraid and then when the depressed person dies, they all ask, why why??  I am very frustrated by how people react towards the depressed. Two hospitals I have been in have been very inadequate in their interpersonal skills. I know that there is help out there, but going to a complete stranger is very hard. Thanks for listening."


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Bullycide in America

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"What is Depression?"


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The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical professionals.  The information provided above is to be used for educational purposes only.  It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric disorders.  The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical advice.