.. Suicide  Bullying  depression


BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
 

Emails from people who have "been there, done that" - they have lost someone to suicide, have thought of, or are

thinking about suicide. Emails from people enduring, or have endured bullying or have suffered from depression.


Other people's stories...  NOVEMBER 2000

Nov. 28 - Connie says...
"you have done a wonderful job on this site. I am so sorry for your loss of your son. On april 29, 2000 I lost a nephew who was living with us at the time. My husband and 2 young children and i returned home from  a one week holiday to find him hanging in our garage. This was something we never expected and I know you know all about dealing with the grief. I knew he had depression to some degree but did not realize how bad it was. This is the hardest thing for me to deal with is wishing I had of taken  his depression more  seriously. He was 19 at the time. I have read allot of what you have done on this site and found it very helpful. I am a Christian with strong beliefs in god and he bible..." (...We also had no clue that Jared was having depression, but we did know that things were not right with him.  A few month earlier he had been assaulted inside his Middle School by a bully and he never was the same after that. ...He didn't warn us either.  That still makes me mad when I think about it.  I wish he would of said how he was feeling, that he wanted to die.  I would of done anything to help him.  Time has gone by... and time does heal the open wounds, but we will always have a scar that won't go away.  My belief in the Love of God and life after death keeps me going.  When it is all over and I go home too, Jared will be there.  He was a really good kid and I know that God loves him.)

Nov. 28 - Annette says...
"I have lost my father about two years ago now... coming up on three and I think things are even more difficult now, that is so strange, isn't it? There are times that I get angry at the drop of a hat and I have nowhere to vent this frustration out to... Thank you for putting this site" (We just past two years and it wasn't easy for us either.  Have you ever thought about getting involved with The Compassionate Friends? -Some larger cities have victims of suicide chapters too- They meet once or twice a month and talk.  Everyone has lost someone they love in a variety of ways so everyone will understand what you are going through.  It might be a good place to vent your feelings and frustrations.  Holidays are especially hard, so I hope you find someone you can share your grief with...)

Nov. 26 - Lisa says...
"I HAVE TRIED TO PUT THIS ALL  UP TO GOD TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE STRENGTH ANY MORE.  MY BROTHER TOOK HIS OWN LIFE IN 1996 RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.  MY HUSBAND UNSUCCESSFULLY LIVED OUT HIS DESIRE IN APRIL OF THIS YEAR.  AND MY DEAR MOTHER TOOK HER LIFE ON OCTOBER 20TH 2000. PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE I AM A WALKING MIRACLE THAT I HAVE LIVED THRU THIS?   MY HEART REALLY HAS BECAME VERY NUMB TO THIS WHOLE THING. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS PAIN THAT IS REALLY GOING ON.  I AM AN ARTIST AND CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL ANYONE OF THE DREAMS THAT I HAVE THE MOST VISUAL DREAMS OF THE ACTS THEY HAVE PERFORMED. I HAVE TO TAKE MEDICINE JUST TO SLEEP OR I FALL INTO A REAL FUNK. THE FIRST THING I GET ASKED BY PEOPLE IS ...DO YOU FEEL LIKE HURTING YOURSELF? HELL NO, MY FOUR CHILDREN HAVE SEEN ENOUGH PAIN AND SORROW THAT I AM NEVER GOING TO LEAVE THEIR SIDE BY MY OWN DOING.  I ALSO HAVE THESE DREAMS THAT MY LOVE ONES ARE JUST CAMPING OR IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL GETTING HELP FOR THEIR DEPRESSION.  I THINK I DREAM THIS BECAUSE MY LOVING HUSBAND HAD GOD ON  HIS SIDE THE DAY THAT HE DROVE HIMSELF TO GET HELP.   WHERE DOES ONE PUT ALL THIS PAIN MY BODY ACHES ALL THE TIME. I AM GETTING HELP FROM A GROUP.  I SEE MY DOC. EVERY TWO WEEKS AND I WORK OR SHOULD SAY GET LOST IN WORK.  MY FAMILY I KNOW SEES THE CHANGES IN ME, BUT I ALSO WONDER THE CHANGES THAT ARE HAPPENING TO THEM. TRYING TO HEAL WITH GOD'S PROMISE THAT HE WILL NEVER GIVE ME MORE THEN I CAN HANDLE..." (I remember that after Jared died it took months before I could go through a day without crying, not counting the nights.  I can't imagine the pain you have gone through loosing two loved ones to suicide and almost your husband. ...I also have a strong belief of life after death and because I know that God understands depression I know that Jared is being loved by Him in Heaven.  ...I agree that God never gives us anything that we can't handle.  I have become a stronger person because of all of the grief and healing I've been through.  But, I dream of the, "what ifs" the "if I only had", and the "whys".  I know this is my lifelong destiny now...)

Nov. 24 - Mellisa says...
"I just visited your website looking for some help. I am currently working on developing a suicide prevention/awareness program in my high school. I am 17 years old, and two years ago my best friend ended his life. I have become rather determined to see that besides learning about drug and alcohol prevention we can learn about prevention of suicide. If there are any resources that you could let me know about I would be very appreciative." (...There are no good programs for suicide prevention in the schools, mostly because public schools don't like to talk about suicide.  It seems to be the most forbidden subject of modern times.  The outdated philosophy is that if you talk about suicide people might think it's glamorous and want to do it.   Of course, I totally disagree. Some people want to change this outdated philosophy and begin to teach students about suicide prevention.  If you really want to make a difference you could design a card that teaches kids about the "triggers" to depression, the signs of depression and the danger signs that a person is thinking about suicide.  Maybe you can have the school mass produce your card and send one home with every student or have it printed in the school newspaper or PTA news.  I'm sure you can think of a million other ways to get the word out. The problem is that many depressed students don't know they have depression and many of these students are having problems communicating what they are feeling.  Don't believe that only  shy or quiet kids are depressed.  Popular, seemingly outgoing, teens have killed themselves too.  It can happen to anyone and any family.  Jared was barely 13 and had never mentioned suicide.  He was very popular and well like by everyone, except the bully who beat him up a few months earlier inside his middle school.  This assault was the trigger to Jared's depression and then his suicide.  I wish you well in your worthy cause to save lives.  There may be other sources for your project in the links on the About Suicide page that can help you.  I hope you get an A on your project.)
and later...  I have an idea of your frustration towards people wanting to hide suicide. That is what I was told when I first asked about programs. I was told it was not a problem at our school so not to worry. My friend also never demonstrated any signs of suicidal behavior. He was also very popular, all the girls wanted to date him.

Nov. 20 - "Dazed" says...
"i don't know what to do anymore, i don't want to tell anyone i'm thinking about suicide because then it makes me look crazy, and i don't want to leave everyone else with my problems, but all the reasons to stay alive seem to be fading quickly, i can't find any help, i can't talk to anyone. everything seems hopeless.  my dad's gone!!!  my grandpa's dead, he used to be the one i confided in.  my parents are divorced. i can't succeed in anything i do, especially at school.  i can't find a guy who will treat me right.  i can't stand this life anymore.  there's so much no one knows about that i carry with me, and deal with it myself and i'm doing a report on suicide, so maybe i could help others, but i'm the one that needs help, but i don't want to tell anyone.  i don't want to be more of a burden to anyone.  and i'm realizing that i am depressed, i have been for a long time. and sooner or later, i'm not just gonna be thinking about suicide, one of these times i'm gonna try it, but this time i'll be sure i die, unlike last time.  i don't know how long it will take you to get back to me, but this is the only site i have found that i can write to and it's getting frustrating.    ~help, 'dazed and confused'
and later... i'm 16, ...i couldn't bear telling my mom. she'd think she wasn't doing enough to make me happy.  but it's not her, i love her to death. ...there so much i need help with but refuse to let anyone close enough to help me.  i've been hurt so much in the past that i'm scared to let anyone in, even family.  i don't know what else to say right now, i can't think straight, everything is jumbled up... i just wanna crawl in a hole and disappear." (...There are a lot of of people out there, like you, who are walking around and you would never guess that they have depression.  It's like a headache that doesn't go away... sometimes minor and sometimes major. ...The truth is, people don't want to be around depressed people because they don't know how to react to them and, basically, they don't understand what it is that makes them different. If people knew that you are fighting depression and trying to get help, they might react different to you.  ...Confident women are rarely abused because confident women don't hang around losers, or guys who hit.  Do you have a spiritual advisor that you can talk to?  A minister, priest, bishop, or someone who can understand what you are going through.  He/she might help you find a support group or help you get involved with a group of kids in church.  There are people to talk to who will understand you.  Don't give up on yourself...)

Nov. 16 - Joay says...
"...I'm a 14 yr. old girl from WA. ...On your site you have a list of things that are signs of depression : Persistent sad or 'empty' mood.  Feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless, pessimistic and or guilty. Fatigued or loss of interest in ordinary activities. Disturbances in eating and sleeping patterns. Irritability, increased crying, anxiety and panic attacks, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions. Thoughts of suicide; suicide plans or attempts. I feel all of those. I really want help. And I've lately thought more and more about suicide. Do you know where I can find help? I don't want to kill myself. but i cant handle it anymore. it's too much for me. i've been feeling all of those symptoms for as long as I can remember. I don't know how to stop it. I try hard to be happy and become the girl I should be but i can't handle the pain i feel inside. I've had to deal with so much and i just can't handle it. I've cried more in the last few years than i have in my whole life. Please help me..." (Are you currently taking any medication for depression?  What are your parents doing to help you?  Are you getting any counseling at all?, ...no one is alone, unless they choose to be.  I'll get back to you as soon as you email me back...)
and later...  "I'm not currently taking medication. I've tried to tell my mom but she doesn't understand. No counseling at the time. We're sort of short on money. All my life I've been told I'm 'different' from other kids. I guess that all the pain and hurt is building up. My depression is not from a death or anything, its more from just built up pain and hurt over the yrs of being made fun of for things i had no control in, such as A.D.D, Adrenal Gland problems, and such. I have just gotten to the point where I can't handle it. There is one person in specific that I tend to talk to about things. But I have only talked to him about school stuff. I want to talk to someone about this but i don't feel comfortable talking to my mom. I mean my mom is on Anti Depression pills and we're pretty close but this makes me really embarrassed and insecure. I am already different from other kids, I don't want one more thing to distance me from them. I have many friends but I don't think any of them would understand what I feel or how hurt I am inside. (You must talk to your mom.  Since she also has a problem with Depression, who better can understand you?  Other things... try (emotional)...  Ask your mom to buy you some St. John's Wort.  It's natural and not too expensive so it won't break your budget...   Second thing to work on (mental)...  Force yourself to smile and look in the mirror while doing it...  Third thing to do (physical)... at least 20 minutes of exercise everyday. This is especially important for kids with A.D.D.  What do you like to do?  Do you have a ping pong table?  Can you walk somewhere?  Are you taking P.E. in school?  Do you know someone who has some TiBo Videos that you can borrow? Anything will do, but do something!   And, one more thing (spiritual),  If you have a belief in God than it would be good for you to ask Him in prayer to help you out.  He will be your best friend when you feel no one else understands.  Read scriptures.  If you don't believe in God than read up on meditation and do that.  Getting some peace in your heart is very good and it helps you to deal with stress.  Stress and depression do not go well together.   Joay, this is the beginning... try and have some hope.  Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems...)

Nov. 15 - Shawna says...
..."I just went through your web site. It touched my heart and soul.  I was wondering, is not talking about how you feel when your suicidal a real bad thing, I guess so to speak. Not recognizing that you need help and acting like everything is ok. These might sound like stupid questions..." (If you feel like you have a problem with suicidal thoughts than you should talk to someone about it, it's likely that you have depression.  ...Life is a Gift from God.  You were never meant to go through life alone, so find someone to talk to and help yourself to become happy again...)

Nov. 15 - "Oakley" says...
"One of my friends jokes around, (I think) saying he wants to kill himself because his life "sucks" and he hates his parents and he only has 5 or 6 close friends.  What should I do?  Please help me"  (I would definitely remind your friend that 5 or 6 friends would really be devastated if he were to die and ask him why he thinks life sucks and why he hates his parents so bad that he would consider doing such a horrible thing.  If he says he's only joking than tell him you don't think it's funny and if he is really serious you want to know so you can help him get the help because he is having depression.  Also, I would copy the article, Suicide a Teenage Epidemic, and give it to your friend's parents or send it to them in the mail with sentences underlined that relate their son.  If you mail it, you can do so anonymously so your friend won't know you gave his parents the word about his suicidal behavior.  You could save his life by doing this.  You are a good friend to care so much to find answers to help him, I wish you well.)

Nov. 15 - Joseph says...
"...I would like to take my hat off to you.  There are very special people out there who are in the business of saving and enriching lives, and don't really know it.  You are one of those people and I just want you to know how special you are.  Wherever Jared is, I am certain beyond doubt that he is smiling at you.  ...As a public health person, I know that we can positively influence the behavior of depressed individuals who contemplate suicide. ...I nearly committed suicide.  I was a young Marine platoon commander in Vietnam.  My platoon had suffered numerous casualties.  Some of my kids were killed their second or third day in country.  One night, we were staging for an assault in a place called Go Noi.  Specifically, we were at Liberty Bridge, a heavily fortified position.  I knew that I would be sending more kids to their deaths.  Deep in the bunker, I went to a relatively secluded spot.  I upholstered my .45 and stuck the barrel in my mouth.  I was beginning to pull the trigger when Ron Staff, an NCO from North Dakota put his hand gently on my arm.  He whispered the words:  'The winter always precedes the spring.'  As a young lad from the plains of Kansas, I understood these words.  The gun went back in the holster and God saved me to help produce a miracle. ...God bless you.  Jared's there and smiling.  I can see him."  (...In your case, it looks like your 'trigger' was seeing people you cared about killed then receiving no counseling for your trauma.  Thankfully, the Lord sent a friend to help you.  Soldiers are suppose to be so tough, but they are just like everyone else, human.)

Nov. 9 - Eric says...
"Well I don't know if I should be doing this but I sit here and I realize that I think about killing myself at least twice a day... I have thoughts of just going away and making pretend I fell into a moving car, or stupid stuff like that.  The other day I tried taking as many caffeine pills as I could but I started to feel sick after a couple so I stopped... My reasoning was to try and go to the hospital and just have an excuse to tell someone I wanted to kill my self... I don't know though it's not all the time.. and sometimes I'm happy and not sad at all but then I'll go home and sit and realize that I'm lonely... don't have a girl friend, I'm not doing as well in certain classes as I'd like I'm home sick... all these things.  It doesn't make sense because I have a lot of caring friends I just feel like this a lot of the time. I don't want to tell my friends though because then they'll think your a nut and I'm known as a funny guy. I don't even know if this will get me anywhere emailing you since I don't even know who you are but I just wanted to tell someone that I think about this a lot. well I hope you can help me and tell me how to clear my head..." (I'm sure you know that you are depressed and it's especially hard when you are away at school and away from the support of your family.  ...Try to keep active doing enjoyable things outside of school work.  If you have to go alone then go alone.  At first you may find this uncomfortable but later you will enjoy the freedom of going where you want, when you want.  Have some belief in yourself and you will be okay.  Girlfriends? Nature has a way of taking care of that part of a young man's life.  Just remember, there are more girls in this world than boys, and college guys are always hot stuff!  Give yourself some time...)

Nov. 9 - "G" says...
"I don't have any suggestions I just want someone to help me... I am always depressed and I am so alone. Nobody seems to understand  how devastating this is.  I can't breath.  I can't think.  All I do is cry and I try to escape by sleeping.  But I am in a dangerous state of mind now.  I don't turn to my parents or other relatives because I will only scare them.  I just don't want to be here anymore.  I am not able to extract any happiness from anything. And that is so sad to me because I have 12 year old daughter.  Steven would be so mad if he heard me talking like this but should I really care if he is mad or not.  He didn't stay for us." (You are never in this life alone.  Besides a loving Heavenly Father, you have people like me who really want you to be happy but you must take the next step)

Nov. 8 - Joanne says...
"...I was reading through your web site on your son. I came across a part that talk about what happen to the person that commit suicide. I want to share this story with you. Four years ago my son killed his wife and then himself. I never dream of any thing like this happening to me and my family. I have two daughters, and people were telling them all kind of judgmental things where my son soul would go. My youngest daughter at the time was 20 years old question God about her brother soul. When she went to sleep that night she dreamed that there was a rainbow in the sky and written across the rainbow was God say, " I let into heaven whom I please." and then she saw my son standing on a corner smiling as she never seen him smile before. When she told me of her dream I sat in my chair and cried. I thank God, because I know He is taking care of my son and daughter - in - law. At the time of my son and his wife death they left a 1 year old beautiful little girl, who is 5 years old now and has her daddy's eyes and smile. I am very bless to have her. When I hold her I'm holding my son. So thank you for allowing me to share this with you."  A Suicide Survivor  (Sometimes we forget that we are all Heavenly Father's children and the way God thinks and the way we think can be entirely different.  We cannot, nor should we judge eternal things.  ...That dream your daughter had was heaven sent.  I'm glad she received that wonderful gift for all of you to share.)

Nov. 8 - Megan says...
"Hi, I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful page you have going and have kept up.  I ran across your page at the beginning of last year, for one basic reason.  As a 16 year old dealing with the loss of two close people to me, I was ready to give up on my life but something led me to come research some things first, so I did.  Thank God I did, because I am still here today.  I ran across your page again today and I thought I would email you and tell you that you have unknowingly reached people's lives.  And I think that's really awesome.  ...I just wanted you guys to know that you are doing so many good things.   (Thanks for the nice things you have said about my website and how it has helped you to deal with the loss of your two friends.  ...Yes, I do believe Jared is in Heaven, with your friends,  and he is okay and very happy now.)

Nov. 5 - Laura's mom says...
"i went there on april 26, 1985.  i still visit there everyday.  time heals a little but can freshly be recalled easily.  not that i want to but it just seems the norm now the rehashing but perpetual not understanding.  oh well, such is life, right.  i'm so sorry about your Jared, say a prayer for my Laura." (Yes, healing is a lifelong process  ...We can only be there for each other and the ones who survive...)

Nov. 3 - Emily says...
"I'm in 7th grade i have slit my wrists ever since 5th i n have been in a depression since i was in 1st! most of my friends know, but i don't want my parents to know. I found my sisters poem called suicide thoughts, my sister is 15 . My mom told me that she was in and off depression for a few years and one of my great great uncles killed himself! Does depression run in the family? How can i get help for my problems i have with me and not let my parents know? Help me please i can't stop crying anymore and i can't stop thinking negatively! HELP ME!" (Anyone can get depressed and there are some families that have the tendency more than others.  The key to solving your problem is getting some professional help, NOW.  Tell your mom and dad that you are depressed and thinking about suicide and that you want to see a counselor because you want to feel better.  No one should have to suffer with depression all their life anymore.  Science has come up with all kinds of ways to help you and others with depression... but we have to go after it and not give up!  Don't give up on yourself.  You are worth more than you think.)

Nov. 3 - Jenny says...
"hi my name is jenny and i am feeling really suicidal can you please help me" (Why are you feeling suicidal and have you felt this way in the past?  Do you know what causes your depression?  Are you taking any medications? Jenny, the first step to getting help is asking for it... have you talked to a real live person about what you are feeling?  ...give someone a call and see if they can help you get through your depression and they may be able to help you with any other problems you are having too.)

Nov. 1 - "Am" says...
"my sister took her life when i was 2 years old. even though i didn't know her or remember much about her i know that i will always love her. i know that she is looking down on me every day and that is how i get through the day." (me too...)

Nov. 1 - Gina says...
"...I wrote you about a year ago, after my very good friend, also a Jared, died.  Although he didn't commit suicide, your web page helped me so much then, i just didn't realize it.  Brenda wrote me back then and explained to me how grief is a good thing and that while your loved one may be gone you will never stop loving them.  Over a year has passed, and although I deeply miss Jared, I can think of him and smile now, and not break down into tears.  There will never be another like our loved ones, and that's ok.  They are what makes us so special, having known an angel and getting to carry that with us is such a blessing.  I don't believe that you ever get over losing someone you love, or that time heals all pain.  There is a place in my heart where my Jared used to fill and it won't ever heal, I just get used to there being a hole there.  I guess I am just e-mailing you again because I wanted to thank you for helping me through the hardest year of my life and tell you how great your website is and that i will recommend it for anyone who has lost a loved one.  Thank you and God bless you." (I'm glad you are doing better after the loss of 'your' Jared.  No one ever completely heals from losing a loved one but we can go on with our lives and be happy again.  Isn't it great how The Lord can bless us even when we go through such a sad tragedy.   I wish you well in your as you continue your life's healing journey.)

 

A Flexible, Living Food Diet

STORIES FROM THE PAST

MAR 2001  -  FEB 2001JAN 2001  -  NOV 2000-MAR 2001  -  DEC 2000  -  NOV 2000  -  OCT 2000

SEPT 2000  -  SEPT-OCT 2000  - AUG 2000  -  JULY 2000  -  JUNE-AUG 2000  -  JUNE 2000  -  MAY 2000

APRIL 2000  -  MAR 2000  -  JAN-FEB 2000  -  OCT-DEC 1999  -  AUG-SEPT 1999  -  JAN-JULY 1999

 

ARTICLES ON DEPRESSION OR OTHER RELATED TOPICS

Food Therapy for Depression

What Depression is and it's causes

Can Harassment, Bullies, and Assaults in school cause Depression?  PARENTS BEWARE!!!

Kasey's Mom talks about Depression

Solutions for Sugar Sensitivity - Can eating a Potato help depression?

Seizure-Stopping Device may help Depression

 

Moms Speak Out!

Order on Amazon

Bullycide in America

Many have asked,

"What is Depression?"

 

Here is a PDF of a chapter

from my book,

"Bullycide in America",

that will give readers an

understanding of this

horrible problem

facing millions of

people every day.

 

WhatisDepression.pdf

Free Bully Police E-Books

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Stop the Bullying - for Educators

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All About Bullying

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Parents & Kids

Dealing With Bullying

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Stop the Bullying - for Educators

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About Depression

'Been There, Done That'

Jared's Life

Friends & Family

 

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Keep the BALANCE in your life!
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DISCLAIMER
The diagnosis and treatment of depression and other psychiatric disorders requires trained medical professionals.  The information provided above is to be used for educational purposes only.  It should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any mental/psychiatric disorders.  The books are recommended as a reference, not as medical advice.