July 28 - Lu says...
"I suffer with the contemplation of suicide...
I am so sorry for the loss of your son, but just know that he loved you
and didn't want to disappoint you... I was searching for help when I ran
across your site, I was getting so frustrated because there is very little
understanding. I thank you for yours!! Just maybe his death has helped
some of us cope, maybe just for one more day, or maybe changed some lives
for the long road ahead. My heart goes to you as to my own family at this
moment !"
July 24 - Raj says...
"Man is killing themselves we were given a earth but
yet have no proof of why we live, and what the very essence of our
existence is. No one knows what i mean they all think i'm a freak... We
kill ourselves for nothing. we know nothing. we are nothing. Life
is nothing." (I disagree - Check out The
Meaning of Life section in JaredStory.com)
July 24 - 'Bob' says...
"Im not sure if there is any one will answer me, or
what, but im just going to write... About 2 months ago I was raped. I reported
it to the police, got tested and did all the "right" stuff. Since then,
I moved away from home, so I didn't have to face my friends at school,
or even see the guy around town (he doesn't go to my school, but he lives
within blocked of my house). I am only 16 and he is 18, so this meant it
was even more serious.... I've been to numerous counselors, and they really
seem to help me but only for that day, the next day im depressed all over
again. Just recently I've started smoking, I often ask myself why
I think im addicted already! It just grosses me out! I can't stand the
smell of smoke! And both my grandparents are about to die from cancer...
My dad is an alcoholic so that doesn't help... My parents have been divorced
since I was 2.... and ever since then both sides of the family talk crap
about each other. I don't know who to believe or who to trust. I feel like
I can't trust a single person in my life!!! Especially after what happen!!!
I have never admitted this to anyone (not even my counselors, out of fear),
but I often feel like killing myself. I'm scared to tell anyone because
I don't want my parents to know.... I don't want them to think I'm a psycho
or something. I have never told a counselor because I know by law they
have to tell... Nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm always depressed!!
I feel like I have nothing to live for. It's sort of ironic I wanted
to study psychology in college, I've even been motivated to start an on-line
web site like this one.... to help people. I feel like it's easier for
me to help others than for me to help myself. I try to push my problems
aside in doing so. I'm just so overwhelmed!!! Please, I need help!!!
I have no where to go, no one to trust!!!!!" (My
letter to 'Bob' was extensive... you'll have to wait for the book. ;>))
July 24 - 'WackY' says...
"...Sometimes is seems like it's the only way out,
I know your son felt that way. When you think about it, it's almost
always that you think about it ...trying to impress someone. That
was how it was, but I know it's just like ending a terrible problem that
looks like my craptastic life. It's like I've run out of all other
ideas, it's summer time now and no one wants to hang out, it's like I can't
leave my house, and it's not all I can think about, but it's a possibility.
I'm just about positive I wouldn't do it, since all don't hear is you have
so much to live for, no ones stopping me but me, and I sure I won't do
it. I'm sorry that your kid died, I used to get bullied a little
...I started saying really weird things now people just think I'm nuts,
and for some reason I love that attention. So that helps a little."
July 23 - Megan says...
"hello i am 14 and i have tried to commit suicide
about 12 times. i have major depression problems. i was diagnosed
with having bipolar/manic depression and being schizophrenia. my birthday
is next month. i still think about suicide and i am mostly always depressed.
i love animals and they are all i have. i love cats like jared. i have
2 of them and i want a kitten. my cats are the reason why i haven't really
succeeded with suicide. i had a loaded gun up to my head ready to go and
then my cat walked up to me and started crying and purring. i fell to my
knees and i took the bullet out of the gun. the only thing is... what if
she doesn't save me the next time. i need help and my mother really
doesn't understand. she tries but she is not enough. i have been threw
therapy and i have even been locked up in mental hospitals 6 times before.
and later... uh my depression
started i would say in 6th grade. i was very badly mentally abused by my father... also physically. he has
depression problems too. now him and my mother are divorced and i have
him out of my life. my grandma died about 2 months ago. she was schizophrenia.
i have already read the teen
epidemic. thanks for your help. please keep in touch"
July 21 - 'Sweet' says...
"i was wondering if you know any places where somebody
could get help professional help? for depression. could u give me some
numbers? please?
(Tons of resources on About
Suicide page)
and later... i was just
wondering, i know i don't know you at all, but if it was all right if i
emailed you if i have any problems? because i don't have anyone else i
can talk too, but i totally would understand if you preferred me not to,
especially since i don't know, you just seem really nice though, oh well
that's all i wanted to say, buh bye" (anytime)
July 20 - Katherine says...
"I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE 3 TIMES.. I AM DEPRESSED
AND I HAVE MANY FAMILY PROBLEMS.. AND I AM A "CUTTER"( SELF -INJURY)
AND NONE OF MY FAMILY KNOWS.. JUST A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS WHO WERE THE ONES
WHO SAVED ME FROM DYING. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING UP THINGS ABOUT THIS ON THE
INTERNET.. AND I NEED HELP BUT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN TELL MY PARENTS..
CUS OF THE PROBLEMS THEY HAVE ALREADY.. ANY ADVICE???
and later... well thank
you for your advise and everything.. i have been talking to a online councilor
and she has helped me a lot... i will write you later and tell you how
things are going.. thanks bunches!"
July 20 - KK says...
"I'm very sorry to hear about your son. I have
once tried to kill myself. I'm now 16 and I still have those thoughts
very often. My grandma died 1 year ago and I was very upset.
Once I calmed down 4 months ago my friend since I was 3 died and they don't
know how I was very torn up by that and I was going to kill myself but,
an x-boyfriend came over at 2:00 in the morning and talked to me.
I was finally doing ok. Now its the summer and I just got back from
the hospital b/c my best friend who is a guy is very sick and his chances
aren't very good. ...My friends send me letters and tell me to keep
my chin up, but if Clayton goes, I go.
and later... I
had suicide thoughts before my grandma died. I will not go to a doctor
about being depressed b/c of my family situations. Well, I haven't
thought of suicide for a while but, I have been drinking more than I should.
PS- all my friends are having sex and I don't wanna b/c I wasn't brought
up that way, I'm a popular girl in school but, it seems that me not having
sex is making me very unpopular very fast. The only one friend who
stands behind me on this is my best friend since we were 4 and she won't
either. We keep telling ourselves that it will all pay off.
Well, will it?
(In my opinion, it will pay off,
particularly in the emotional sense)
July 20 - Dee says...
"Why did Jared kill him self...? I really didn't get
the part... I would like to know the whole story... ...Because i've been
feeling down... and when i tell my closest friends I want to kill my self...
it's like I'm talking to a wall... They don't understand the way I feel...
They think it's all for attention... that's why I think I should just give
up and stop trying... it's doesn't seem to matter ...because all they say
is it's going to hurt everyone around me... but what about me ...I'm not
being selfish.. just straight forward... (Someday
the whole story about WHY Jared died by suicide will be published in JaredStory.com,
but for now, I can only say that Jared was triggered
into depression by an assault by a bully inside his Middle School)
and later... Sometimes...
I think my problems are not even problems... And I could live with it because... I'm well assured on knowing that everything
happens for a reason... And when u avoid hurting your self out of not understanding
you could appreciate the better things in life ... that you'd probably
miss day by day... See my birthday was last week... And I didn't get a
thing... I'm not worried though cause I know we're having trouble with
money ... because my brothers going to college and my Mom is pregnant...
that's why I haven't gotten really mad at my parents... I've just been
feeling like I'm being ignored... Every time I ask for something I get
denied... ...They say I want attention... What if I should get rid of my
life to show them ... that I don't want attention... huh? I'm a 15
year old girl.. who gets good grades in school ... I feel so good telling
you about my life... i wish I could tell u more... I do have a lot of things
I'm confused about..."
July 19 - Charlie says...
"hi 'mom' i just want you to know i am deeply sorry
about your son's death even though it was awhile back. i used to have thoughts
about suicide and when it comes to reality i would never have the guts
to kill myself. seeing your website makes me realize i would just
hurt people by killing myself and the problems weren't major enough to
commit suicide in the first place. this website made me shake and
cry like crazy. i just want to say thank you and im sorry. have a great
life" :)
July 18 - ? says...
"Hi, I was curious... I feel kinda down lately. My
house burned down
(trigger) 2 years
ago, 4 family members have died (trigger)
(separate
to the fire). I don't do anything with friends... (depression)
I don't leave my house... (depression)
I don't go to the pool anymore, (depression)
ever.
Are these symptoms of depression? Or is it something else? ...I'm 16" (Yes,
these are triggers
and symptoms of depression!)
July 17 - Bridget says...
"i found your page and im very very touched...
all of my life i wanted someone to love, someone who would love me back...
i never thought i would find this... my boyfriend right now is wonderful,
he is all i ever wanted and needed... except that he is very very suicidal.
he is 19 and lives alone in an apartment, has job and money problem, and
no motivation and will to live. he will be fine for a few weeks, then he
will get in a mood for 2-3 days about every 3 weeks where he will tell
me he is going to kill himself. right now he is in one of these moods.
there is always something that sets him off, and then no matter what i
do or say for 3 days straight he wont listen. then something sill happen
and he will be fine again. ...i have done everything i can for him and
with me going away to school in a month and him living alone never eating
and chain smoking all day dwelling on things, getting problems from his
parents and not seeing his friends because they are too far away... im
scared. ...i love him so much he is my soul mate and i could not live without
him- i don't know what to do. i already lost my mom when i was 10
to careless behavior. (she didn't kill herself, but she took pain killers
too freely and they got to her liver one day and i came home and she was
gone, just like that.) i don't know how i survived that but i did. what
can i do? people say that when people talk about suicide they wont do it
...usually they just maybe tell someone then do it, not drag it out for
months as if looking for help. i give him more help then anyone could
give a person and he still wont listen, what more does he want from me?
does he really want to die?"
July 15 - Amy says...
"...i am 15 years old and my seems to be falling apart...
my parents got divorced about a year ago and it turns out that my dad had
an affair with several people and the most recent before the divorce was
with my mom's best friend and she was like my friend/mom... now they are
married an everything is CRAZY! The weird thing is that i thought my life
was perfect. my dad was the worship leader at our church and the lady he
had an affair with was in charge of the whole music ministry which makes
me feel even more confused. right now, my friends just seem to be acting
really strange and i feel like i have no reason to live any more, i'm not
sure that i would ever really kill myself but i have definitely thought
about it... please help me..." (don't take your
father's sin's upon yourself Amy... live for YOU and let your dad take
responsibility for himself and his own 'eternal' future)
July 15 - Valentina says...
"As I read parts of your page I was crying - I was searching
for a chat line for people who have lost loved ones through suicide and ended up
at jaredstory. First you are very brave and I admire you, for not only are you
helping yourself but many others. My brother gassed himself when he was 24 and
my father hung himself just over a year ago almost ten years after my brother
left us. The grief is just overwhelming and I don't know if I can cope much
longer - no one understands and I find I am becoming more and more anti-social
by the day - its not just the suicide it just feels like I cant connect with
anyone anymore, I feel lost, I am 34 and have three beautiful children but find
it hard to focus on them I am wrapped in a web of fear and feel numb most of the
time - I sometimes wish I could sleep forever. Love to you all - my heart bleeds for your pain"
July 14 - Amanda says...
"I just lost my best friend/boyfriend due to suicide.
He was 15 and named Brandon B. I think his mom might have emailed
you. Well, I just wanted to know how you dealt with all this? I can
hardly look at a picture without crying. I often go over to his house to
talk with his mom and check up on her and every time it gets harder and
harder to leave. It's like I'm visiting him too. I can't deal
with the fact that he's gone especially with how he died. I know in my
heart that he didn't mean to kill himself but either which way.. he's no
longer here. I was just wondering if you could let me in on some
helpful hints on dealing
with my grief?? Thanks" (it takes time Amanda...
also find a grief project)
July 14 - Cory says...
"there needs to be a 1 800 # for people like
myself that are concerned about what someone may be trying to do to themselves
like my ex-girlfriend may be or other people to talk to on the net." (call
1-800-999-9999
-
The Suicide Hotline - And the 'net' is not the best place to get professional
help)
July 13 - Kristi says...
"I think i've been rather depressed lately.
I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately too. The only thing stopping
me is the fear that i will go to hell, but that is starting to change.
I started writing a journal, because i'm afraid to hurt someone with
the way i'm feeling. I really need someone to talk to, but no one
really cares or has the time to care anymore. I'm really scared.
I don't know what to do. If you get a free moment i was wondering
if you could possibly give me a few helpful hints. I don't want to
hurt my family, but i'm so hurt and i feel so alone, i'm sick of
living in misery :o( Please help me if you can..." (I
care, and God cares too... life is worth living!)
and later... "Thank
you for responding to me. I'm 19 years old, and i'm home for the
summer from college. I guess i've really been bumming lately because
i don't really have anyone in my life who cares other than those who are
obligated to, and with them i'm not that close. My best friend ...i've
tried to talk to her. My first love broke up with me about 9 months
ago, and his child is just about due now. ...i'm alone, i can't
even really be around people that much because i'm out in the middle of
no where with a shared car. Thank you for listening!"
July 13 - Tammy says...
"...my 15 year old died 6/15/2000. He hung himself
in his room. He was a great athlete and a loving person. Although we had
a wonderful relationship, his father was not present in his life.
Shane had a big heart and often asked me why his dad didn't love him. Like
your page says teen suicide is a leading killer of our children. sixty-three
percent of teen deaths are because of suicide.... Shane saw his father
last Oct. at a wedding... He also struggled with a learning disability
in school and the fact that he was multi-cultural. I found your web
site and would like to invite you to Shanes. It was created by his best
friend who also attempted suicide."
July 8 - Anita says...
"I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU A HUG AND SAY GOD BLESS
YOU. I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF JARED, SUCH A YOUNG LIFE .
I LOST MY BROTHER TO SUICIDE IN DEC 1999. I HAVE A REAL HARD TIME
WITH IT, HE WAS NOT ONLY MY BROTHER BUT MY BEST FRIEND.
HE WAS 40 YRS. OLD, AND STILL HAD A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE, BUT SOMETHING
WENT WRONG, THAT I NEVER WILL KNOW. HE CAME FROM OHIO TO VISIT ME
FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SEEMED SO HAPPY TO BE HERE . BUT ON THE 3RD MORNING
MY HUSBAND FOUND HIM HUNG ON MY KIDS SWING SET, A DAY I NEVER IN A LIFE
TIME IMAGINE I WOULD BE DEALING WITH, BUT WE NEVER DO, TILL IT HAPPENS.
I MUST SAY THAT ALL ... THE STORIES AND MEMORIAL HAS HELPED ME IN A LOT OF WAYS AND I ALWAYS
SPREAD THE WORD TO PEOPLE TO VISIT THE SITE. IT REALLY GIVES A BIG
INSIGHT ON SUICIDE. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND
EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW JARED I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO HIM IN HEAVEN ABOVE,
THE ANGELS ARE WITH YOU AS YOU ARE NOW A ANGEL, AND A CHILD OF GODS."
Bullying 
depression
