BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!
Emails from people
who have "been there, done that" - they have lost someone to suicide, have
thought of, or are
suicide. Emails from people enduring, or have endured bullying or have suffered
Other people's stories...
"Let me start off with my name
is Jaclyn and I'm 15 years old. I've been going in and out of depression
for the last 5 years. I've been to many different "shrinks" and talked
to many different people. No one would ever listen to what I really had
to say about my feelings. I come from a broken family. My parents got divorced
when I was 7 years old. My dad was a junkie, was always drinking and getting
drunk, and on top of that very abusive. I had a lot of family issues before
and have the divorce. Then, finally 8 years later it ended (last month).
I've been through some hard stuff, and tired committing suicide. It started
with cutting myself, that lead to cutting to deep, which lead to over dosing.
Finally, I got my mom to get back into court to fight for me to stop seeing
my father. It worked. I have never called a suicide hotline, because I
was afraid to. ...What I told you isn't even close to what could
be put on here. I just wanted you to get a little idea..." (Depression
can be triggered by many things - the hard part is figuring out "why" -
Jaclyn, you are on your way up now, just don't give up working for happiness!)
"Hi, For the last 6 years i
was diagnosed with depression. When the doctor first told me i was
really shocked but i didn't tell anyone. The reason why i didn't
tell anyone is because not a lot of people understood what it meant, they
either thought it was a disease that u could catch or you were insane (mad,
that's what i thought i was at first). When i eventually told my
family and friends most of them didn't believe me. They thought u
had to be sad all day everyday have all these suicidal thoughts.
The majority of the time i had to put up a front (hide it) because i had
4 kids to take care of and i had to try and be strong for them. At
nighttime when the kids were in bed, was when i was at my worst.
I felt so alone, couldn't talk to anyone because they didn't understand.
Then i started thinking this pain will never go away, I've had it for 6
years. It would take a miracle, and my kids would be better off without
me, they have their father that would take care of them and both sides
of the family would be very supportive. One thing i did not do was
take into consideration how my family and friends would of been affected
by the aftermath. Its hard to say but at the time, the only thing
that was going through my mind and maybe to others in the same situation
and yes its maybe being selfish but the torment won't be there, you won't
be hurting anymore, and u know that u won't have to live this way for the
rest of your life. So in march 2003 i waved good-bye to the kids
because their father was taking them for a day trip. I wrote a letter
to my mother and to the kids father explaining why i had done it and that
i was sorry. Then i got hold of the pills and the strange thing was
i wasn't upset, i was like happy. I got a glass of water and swallowed
90 pills and lay back on the settee. It was then i could feel my
body was slowly starting to shut down and i started to think about my parents
and my kids and how it would be without me. It was then i started
to cry and thought to myself, no i can't do this, its not time. I
phoned for the paramedics. I woke up the next afternoon with my family
at my bedside and i was told that i was very lucky because when they had
got me to the hospital i had stopped breathing so they had to revive me.
And yes, i am a very lucky woman I've been given a second chance and i
plan to make the most of it. My family has been very supportive.
I just wish that i didn't put them through this nightmare, which its still
is to them, but its not as bad as what it would of been if I had succeeded.
Now i do have the support and I've learned that it's better to talk, even
to a stranger, than to keep things to yourself because it will just build
up in your mind until you can't take anymore and you only see one way out.
My heart goes out to the parents, friends and family of the people that
have committed suicide and to the ones that maybe thinking about it.
Please talk to someone! Tell them that u have suicidal thoughts.
It really does help to talk, and no, it won't go away overnight but with
your friends and family, there to help. You can get through it.
Tracey (Scotland age 30 yrs)"
"My name is Audrey. I
live in Georgetown, Kentucky. We live in a small town in the outskirts
of Lexington. My son Richard was 16 years old when he took a 30/6
shotgun and put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. -
My son, had just gotten his drivers license, car and had a girlfriend.
He couldn't wait to get his drivers license. Most people worry about
their children DRINKING AND DRIVING. This was not the case.
- It was September 21, 2001. Thursday night. Friday
night, my husband and I were going to Florida to move my sister to kentucky.
I worked second shift, and had to got to the store after work to pick up
some more things to make sure the kids had enough to tie them over til
Sunday. Richie (his nickname) had gotten home from work, did his
chores, and went downstairs on the computer to play his card games as usual.
There he would talk to his girlfriend at the same time. -
My husband said he was fine. He was talking to him about going back
on the football team, was going to go to college because he was going to
be an architect. Richie knew how to draw. And boy could he
speak his mind in his poems. They were beautiful and full of his
expressions. - I had just left the store parking
lot, when I notice fire trucks, ambulance and police vehicles about 2 miles
ahead of me. I never realized the tragedy that would effect my life
forever. - From a distance they emergency vehicles
disappeared, until I got closer to my house. I was stopped at the
top of the hill where I turn to my street. I was told that we couldn't
proceed because there was a problem, and we had to wait for the "OK' from
the police. I tried calling my house to let the kids know that I
was stopped at the hill and it would be awhile. The phone would just
keep ringing. My husband was sleeping, for his had to be up at 4:30
and my other son was sleeping in his room. Richie had his cell phone.
As soon as the police gave clearance, they proceed to drive on, but then
stopped in front of my house. It was only 3 house down from where
I was stopped. I saw police going inside and out. I couldn't
understand, because I knew my husband was home. Apparently, Richies
girlfriend called 911 and didn't know my husband and son were also home.
I got out of my car and ran straight for my house. They stopped my
and took me straight to the ambulance. Because they knew what I would
find downstairs. I have seen what a shotgun had done to deer
from a distance. BUT THIS WAS UNGODLY. How could my beautiful
son have done this to his face. I never could have imagined my entire
basement could be covered because of the 'MUSHROOM EFFECT' a shotgun has
at such close range. One side to the other of my basement was covered
with blood and everything else. - The coroner said
he has never seen anything like this before. Especially from a child.
Richie was beautiful, popular and had everything going for him. Why
would he do this. The only think I know is that he was trying to
break up with his girlfriend earlier that day, and that they had been on
again off again before. Maybe this was his only way out. There
was no plan. No note. Richie was not depressed. How can
a person hate their life so much to do this to their family. The
after-affects of this were tremendous. I never saw our basement.
But my husband and my 14 year old son did. I could never imagine
that was once the child I gave birth to on the walls down in my basement.
- Richie loved to hunt and knew what guns did. Our guns
were LOCKED UP. - The thing is that a person
that commits suicide doesn't realize what it does to the people they leave
behind. If only Richie could have talked to me, his teacher,
dad, someone he could trust. It is not worth ending your life over
a girl. There are plenty of girls out there. Please realize
what suicide does to the people you leave behind. Your pain might
be over. But our pain haunts us forever. People do love you.
Our love is worth your living. - Signed. a grieving
mom. Please visit Richies site to see his poems he wrote about his
girlfriend and a baby that was lost due to forced abortion by her parents."
"Hey! My name is Kayla
(I'm 19) and on April 16, 2002 I woke up to the most horrible nightmare
ever. I have a 5 month old son who was 2 days to turning 4 months
old. I had spent the night at my parents house the night before.
I woke up and went to find my dad who I knew was the only one home.
I was going to see if he would watch my son, Dayton while I took a shower
to get ready for my doctor's appointment. I looked in his room, he
wasn't there I then walked into the kitchen, I saw our dog lying outside
so I figured my dad was outside. I walked outside and seen the shed
door open that is in our backyard. It is a very big building.
I walked in and there I saw my dad hanging from the ceiling. I was
holding my son the hold time, I immediately ran inside and called 911.
The cops got there and told me there was nothing they could do, and that
they were sorry! I called my mom and told her and the horror then
set in. My dad NEVER in all of his 45 years showed signs of depression.
I had fought a bout of depression about 4 years ago and thought heavily
on suicide. He always told me that it was never worth it, it might
seem bad but it always get better! Then he goes and does it!
I know now that of course my life is worth living for. I would never
want to put my family through the hurt and pain that we are going through
now. My parents had been married for almost 22 years. The cause
for his suicide is not known, and that is what hurts the most. I
know I would be able to have a better handle on what went on if my dad
would have shown signs of depression but he NEVER did. I fight with
different questions everyday. What if he had gotten up there and
jumped then decided that's not what he wanted? Did he purposely mean
for me to find him? If he loved Dayton, my son, as much as he said,
if for nobody else why didn't he stick around? The only thing I have
found to help me with all of these questions is what my mom has said from
the beginning of all of this, "Dad took all the answers with him!"
"That wasn't your dad up there, because your dad wouldn't have wanted you
to see him like that, and he would never do anything like that to hurt
you!" It all makes sense but the truth is, it's still very hard.
I don't know how I am going to explain to my son that his "Paw" loved him
so much BUT he killed himself. That is the one thing I struggle with
the most, besides the everlasting image I have of my father hanging there.
"I would just like to say to anyone who is thinking of committing suicide;
parent, brother, sister, only child, grandparent, no matter who you are;
there are people out there who love you and care deeply about you, whether
it seems like it or not. Just remember how much you are going to
hurt everyone when you are gone. Think of the person who will have
to find you, they will be stuck with and everlasting memory that will honestly
drive them crazy!
"Please if you are thinking about suicide, call someone, if you don't feel
like you can talk to anyone you know call an anonymous help line.
ITS NOT WORTH IT!!"
Kayla and Baby Dayton
Kayla - There's nothing more that can be said.)
FROM THE PAST
2001 - JAN
2001 - NOV 2000-MAR 2001
2000 - NOV 2000
- OCT 2000
2000 - SEPT-OCT
2000 - AUG 2000
2000 - JUNE-AUG
2000 - JUNE
2000 - MAY
2000 - MAR
2000 - JAN-FEB
2000 - OCT-DEC
1999 - AUG-SEPT
1999 - JAN-JULY
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